How To Not Kill Your Mother

Apr 16, 2019


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Everything is possible. And I mean everything.

I spur-of-the-moment and kind of as a joke invited my mother to go on a cross-country road trip with me from the desert of southern California to South Carolina. My mom hasn’t really ever left the south, we haven’t really spoken in the better part of half a decade, and we definitely haven’t spent more than 24 hours together alone in my whole life… so the fact that this actually happened still blows my mind.

I’ve been playing this game lately: is this true or not true? And I THINK because of the attached photo (where I didn’t eat because I practice intermittent fasting - the next blog will cover this and other biohacks!), that it’s true. But you can decide for yourself.

The point of this post, while it could be 1 of 1million things, is that every single thing you can imagine, every single thing you want, can happen WILL HAPPEN if you do the work then align yourself with what you’re requesting.

There is no magic pill.

There is simply the work it takes to get it.

I have spent every second of every day dedicating myself to the work that I know I came here to teach… and after having been accused of every number of things a human can be accused of, I now know for certain : it’s worth it. All of these strange and awful and sometimes totally devastatingly nearly impossibly hilarious things have led me to the point where my dedication to my surrendering to the human experience as a teacher, as a guide, as a writer, as a LEADER is undeniable.

I don’t think until my mother said yes that I actually believed any of the shit I talk about. I mean, of course I believe it. I have brought myself out of homelessness, poverty, I’ve literally brought myself back from the dead with this work. No exaggeration. I have created the life I love and I can’t wait to wake up (most days) and live it. Of course it’s my life and it’s fantastic and amazing because I choose that it is… but the reality is that we REALLY can have everything and be everything and do everything, and it can be effortless.

What is required? What is required is a total dedication of self, with no cop outs and no returning to what was before. No being a victim. No blaming and projecting on others, no allowing the programming to be the way it is. It takes a total owning of one’s experience and the commitment to doing it better with every breath. It takes WORK.

My mother and I had the rockiest of relationships. No one could ever say I come from privilege. It began before I was born. My mother’s family are addicts. Like, crack heads and worse. I don’t know what’s worse but may family is trash defined. I love them. They’re trash. So I was trash, which is fine. You can call me trash. That’s the truth. My mother was an orphan and a foster child. Her parents died before I was born. She had no money, nothing. When I say she had nothing, I literally mean nothing. A couple years ago my mother had leg aches from when she was tied down as a little girl in the bed of a foster home. I’m pretty sure that’s the least of the abuse she experienced and blocked. She quit college to marry my father who she loved so much… and by the time I was born, he was having multiple affairs and later went to prison for something about child pornography and drugs (I don’t actually know for sure the specifics but I know it’s bad enough that my family doesn’t talk about it and that it involves children). I remember he used to call from the state penitentiary and his mother, the only grandparent I ever had, would try to pretend like that was normal. I was raised by a single mother who vehemently still believes that God saved her from everything. She had to believe that. She wouldn’t be alive if she didn’t. So. She devotes her life to the church and her Christian path. I worship the trees and talk to dead people and love having my nipples on full display. My mother and I didn’t speak for YEARS because I wasn’t wearing a bra once. This is not an exaggeration.
So the fact that I have photographic evidence from our cross-country road trip where we laughed, dined, enjoyed one anothers’ company and didn’t fight a single time goes to show what my work is on this planet.

I’m here to teach.

We Are What We Teach. We are living what we came to teach.

And so this trip solidified my path. No one gave me a mended relationship. I created it. No one fixed anything, no one made us behave, no one told me to ask her or told her to say yes. No one chaperoned us and made us choose to spend time together or truly, absolutely enjoy one another for the first time ever.


I did the work - I DO THE WORK all day long to live the life I want to live.

And this trip was the proverbial icing on the cake I have no desire to eat. Because I don’t eat cake (generally speaking) and I definitely wouldn’t waste my time on icing. But you know what I mean. Pass the imported biodynamic Bordeaux.


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